A Prod in the Ass

This is really happening. Just another month b4 I make the big move. Yikes. I'm actually not as scared as I thought I'd be, more excited really.

I wonder if I can book a show or two in Dallas and Charlotte this summer? I haven't performed music since October and haven't been on the stage since February ... U know I'm an attention whore! Actually, I'm not, it's all too easy just 2 sit in the shadows 4 me. That's why I need 2 prod myself in the ass (hee hee) every now and again 2 take charge and go 4 what will bring me the most fulfillment.

Yes yes yes ... that's just what I need, a good prod in the ass 2 get me up on stage again.

I must confess on the new music front, I have mixed feelings about my EP. By the end of May, I'll know whether there will be a new Saturn release for 2006 or not. Meanwhile, I have a fresh batch of Deviant CDs coming in just for my trip this summer. Wouldn't it be grand if I were able to sell them all!

It just takes a prod in the ass.

Is prod even a word?

"Vodka and 7 straight 2 my brain puts me under false impressions, hiding all the pain." - Prince, The Dream Factory

StripBoys

I went 2 the grand opening of the brand new all gay all male strip joint here in Baltimore the other night. This is the place, I guess, that is replacing Atlantis which shut down a couple years ago. It was a small quaint place and though the boys aren't dancing on the bar in front of you butt ass naked, they are almost right there on top of you the place is so small. As usual, there were some hot boys, some not so hot boys and one in particular that was dayum fine and sweaty and just scrumdidliumptious!

I must confess, though, I remember the moment five years ago when I first stepped foot into the Atlantis. At that time that was my first trek into ANYTHING like that. I did not expect 2 see naked boys on top of the bar. Granted, I hand't even come all the way out of the closet back then. In fact, I believe I was still a virgin back then! My oh my, the things that can change in five years!

Now, at this new strip club, as erotic as it was, I'm sure, supposed 2 be, 4 me it simply wasn't. I don't know why, but I just feel like I've seen it all before. Kind of a been there done that syndrome, I guess. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Am I growing up or just being jaded? Maybe it's a mixture of the 2. I know it would have CERTAINLY helped if any of the boys had actually gotten hard, alas, they did not. But it was amusing to watch as they let overfully grown men sniff at their gaping bungholes. If I didn't have a bf right now, there's no telling what kind of depraved acts I myself would find myself in on a consistent basis, because it seems like it just takes a lot more these days to excite me than it used 2. But being in a relationship has certainly taken the emphasis off of sex and put it on other things. Again, I don't know if that's bad or good, but that's just the way it is.

To commemorate this and my first little trip to Atlantis, I posted my song "Atlantis" (which I wrote about the experience and a particular stipper I met there) on my MySpace page for everyone 2 listen to. It's also available on I-Tunes and on my CD, Deviant, which can be purchased here.

Sometimes I miss my ho-like behaviour and sometimes I don't. I definitely DON'T miss being lonely though. I'm learning more and more everyday how much more fulfilling and satisfying the heart is over the cock.

"Do U wanna get paid or do U just wanna get laid?" - Saturn, Atlantis

Back 2 Life

2 days on my back and I wasn't even going 4 a porn record! Nope, in my case it was debilitating lower back pain. Caused by what? No idea. I know that I strained some muscles during my last pseudo-workout at the gym, but that was last Tuesday. Well, anyhoo, it's a LOT better today, thank God. It's not 100% but at least I'm not walking around like I'm 80 and crippled today. It really sux being limited like that. Just another thing we all take for granted ... free movement.

Speaking of free movement, I spoke (at nauseating length) about my "free movement" this summer. He thinks I've really jumped off the boat like a madman by deciding to leave my comfy, cozy, easy and incredibly dull and lifesucking job this summer and be unemployed for 90 days while I build my marketing business. He thinks I'm really fucking nuts. He recounted my every failure of the last ten years, including the miserable job I've done of attaining any semblance of a music career and thinks I'm living in a fantasy world. He tells me over and over again, take a good job, stay there and build a retirement fund for myself over the next 30 years.

Can I vomit now? Sure, I've had failures, but all my failures are just bringing me that much closer to success. I'm not going to give up on what I want because that will be the greatest failure of all. He'll never understand that. And from the outside looking in maybe I do look like a big loser. I'll be 30 this year and what do I have to show for it? Nuff said.

But life is more than acquisition. Happiness is not found in status, at least not 4 me it isn't. Money's great, sure, but money is only great because of the choices it gives 2 U. That's why I'm chasing this money dream right now after all, not only for the security of my future, but also because of the choices it will provide me. I'll be able to work my music, act, write, travel ... whatever I want to do and that will be a quality life, not being enslaved to some fucking desk job. Ugh, the thought of 30 more years of working in an office 4 somebody else makes me want 2 stab myself silly!

Anyhoo, enough of that. I'm springing back 2 life here. I ordered another run of Deviant since I sold out, so while I'm planning out my next album launch I can start focusing on marketing Deviant again. Which, by the way, if U dont' have it yet, U can get it right here.

"However do U want me? However do U need me?" - Soul II Soul, Back 2 Life

The Gates of Hell - Charlotte Pride

So, I was really and truly hard at work today when I felt the urge to surf Yahoo and find out when the dates for Charlotte Gay Pride were. I wanted to see if it would coincide with my time down there this summer to see if perhaps I could perform. Well, what popped up in my search? This non-sense: Operation Save America Apparently, some people think that the Charlotte Gay Pride festival is tantamount 2 the gates of hell:

“Charlotte Pride,” that horrific abomination where homosexual perversion is paraded in Marshall park in Downtown Charlotte every spring, is in deep trouble. Thank God! - Rev. Flip Benham, Operation Save America, formerly known as Operation Rescue. We pray that this year, God will push the radical homosexual agenda all the way into the grave and leave no marker for it! We pray that this will provide a bright ray of hope for all who are dealing with “Gay Pride Parades,” and that city after city will be set free from this lie from the pit of hell. We pray that many lost in the bondage of homosexual lust and sin will be set free by the gospel of Jesus Christ. How did all of this come about? Gentle Christians have been living out their faith in the streets of Charlotte for the past four years, and bringing King Jesus to the very gates of hell – Charlotte Pride. Simple little Christians are saying no to godlessness and standing for righteousness in their city. We have petitioned Peter Gilchrist, the District Attorney for the City of Charlotte, gone to numerous city Council meetings to speak, and have met with the Charlotte Police Department. While they have been “helpful” in certain respects, they are caught in a quagmire of tolerance and helplessness over definition and application of laws currently on the books. While they have said, “Our hands are tied,” we have reminded them that the hands of the Church of Jesus Christ are not.

These people seriously need 2 get laid. I mean, really, fucked good. Probably up the ass.

"Accusations. Lies. Hand me my sentence, I'll show no repentence. I'll suffer with pride." - Depeche Mode, Condemnation

More Dirty Talk at Work

Crazy red-head: What's a fluffer?

Me: You've never heard of a fluffer?

Crazy red-head: No.

Me: Well, I think it can be for both gay or straight, I'm not sure. But a fluffer is the person on a porn set who keeps the guys hard in between takes by you know ... (I use hand and mouth gestures.)

Crazy red-head: (disgusted) Yuck! Oh my god! I would never wanna do something like that!

Me: Oh, I would!

Updates on my life will be coming soon ... major changes goin' down!

"... baby, don't spit me out!" - Prince, Tick Tick Bang